Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget

 “I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life…”
By Kent Nerburn



This is the story of Kent Nerburn.


Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.  It was a cowboy’s life, a life for someone who wanted no boss.  What I didn’t realize was that it was also a ministry.  Because I drove the night shift, my cab became a moving confessional.  Passengers climbed in, sat behind me in total anonymity, and told me about their lives. I encountered people whose lives amazed me, ennobled me, and made me laugh and weep.  But none touched me more than a woman I picked up late one August night. I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partyers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or a worker heading to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.

When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window.

Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.  But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation.  Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked. 

“Just a minute”, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80′s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knick-knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. 

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 

“It’s nothing”, I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.” 

“Oh, you’re such a good boy”, she said. 

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, 

“Could you drive through downtown?” “It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.” I looked in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

“I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I don’t have very long.”
I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. 


 “What route would you like me to take?” I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now.”

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in the wheelchair.

“How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said.

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other passengers”.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

“You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life. We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Change


I was influenced to discuss about change because I was inspired by one of my close friend’s current situation.  What is change?  A source defines it as inequitable, not a respecter of persons.  A random dictionary affirmed change as for the better or for the worst, depending on where you view it.  Alternatively, we can go back to the evolution, Charles Darwin’s definition, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent but the one most responsive to change.”  However, let us not steer that far I read once about change, claiming it as a beautiful thing.  It got me thinking, If change is such a beautiful thing and despite its innate beauty, why is it that it's one aspect of life that many people resist?  

There are some people, however, that can easily embrace change while others will do everything in their power to prevent it.  My friend’s story was the latter.  It doesn’t matter how much you try to influence the person, ultimately it all starts within the person and it all boils down to a matter of perception. This is the dilemma that I am currently trying to  fathom.  To be candid, I’ve had problems with change myself.   It took me a very long time to welcome a small change with open arms.  I suppose trying to help my friend view it as I did will be my new significant task.  I need to make my friend view change as a joyous thing.  Change is needed because if she remains in stagnation its almost equivalent to death.  Well maybe death is an extreme example to use in embracing change but it is something that we all will encounter eventually.

I need to somehow assured her that change is closely tied in to our own perception of it.  That change will always lead to something positive and good. Perceiving change in a negative way, I think is harder to deal with. Nevertheless, if an opportunity in change presents itself, it is easier for us to change. I believe that reframing the change that happens to us is a powerful tool for managing change; it has worked for me in the past.  We have to constantly grow and adapt and that is the way of life.

One point that I learned to accept is that everything exists for a finite time and to resist that fact doesn’t change the reality that some change is necessary.  Now, the sooner she realize to accept the fact that nothing lasts forever, she is better equipped for the journey. Struggles will occur, I didn’t say it will be an easy ride but we usually flounder when we resist reality. So the best way to come to grips with is to enjoy the good times while you can and remember that the not so good times are just temporary. The light will appear at the end of the tunnel, it is bound to happen, just need a little patience.

Second point I can think of is learning to let go.  In my opinion, this is the hardest part to deal with because we all get too emotionally attached to someone, things etc.  Something that we grew old with and loved…for someone to suggest the idea that you need to let it go just doesn’t and will not be an easy task.  First relationship breakups, for example, has always been tough.  Why is that? Well, I think because the fear sets in, we don’t know what the future will hold.  We often ask ourselves if we will ever meet another person like the previous one.  We are scared and reluctant to change because its always been good and most importantly we have nothing to compare it with.  With these thoughts in our mind, general reaction is to repel change.  What do we do?  Again, acceptance about the length of time we have in our lives also helps in a profound way. We need to learn to treasure each moment because we may never know which is our last. When there is an infinite amount of time, we tend to take things for granted, but if we know, that time is short and limited, we treasure each moment more.  

Lastly, as I mentioned earlier, change will lead to something good.  When I cracked open a fortune cookie last week, after a nice meal, mine read, as what gives light must first endure burning.  This is so true; my interpretation of the light is it comes from letting go, which was my second point.  I say that it will always lead to something good but an effort to start and follow through the course of change is necessary.  How successful and positive this process in the long run depends on how we manage change that happens in our own lives. If we are ready to see the positives behind the need for change, it will lead to something good. If not, we will be constantly stuck in similar painful experiences until we have learned to change. Whether it leads to something good or not depends on our ability to get there.

In conclusion, change will not happen overnight.  When you’re faced with a life changing moment, take a deep breath and take it one step at a time. Change is a continuous process that we all need to experience.  Another fortune cookie says that Rome was not built in one day, neither are we.  (Have to stop eating fortune cookies ;p)



 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Making a Difference


I am quite certain that the majority of you believe that all of us are here for a reason and that we all have moments in the world.  Some say that we all live to serve. Now, you may or may not agree to this but hear me out.

It’s very saddening to turn on the television and witness that most of the news program talks either about a war in the Middle East or a natural disaster in Japan etc.  With all the world crisis and natural disaster happened recently, what are we doing to reach out?  If some say our destiny is to help others then does this mean helping others fulfill your/our own destiny?  What is your/our destiny? 

I do not know if this is correct, but I do know the feeling I get when I help someone and see their facial reaction, thinking to myself that, “I did that!” that I made that difference.  I get a sense of fulfillment; happiness and I feel a sense of purpose.  This might as well serves as a proof that helping others is my destiny.  Nevertheless, I do know that it is enough of a reason to try to help someone when I get the chance.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s a simple opening the door for an elderly or serving your country.   A grand or smaller scale, helping is not defined on how much, in my humble opinion.

Each of us are gifted, we all have our sets of skills and abilities that are unique from the person next to you.  With these abilities, we can make noteworthy things happen in the world around us, or not.  It is completely up to us whether we want our lives to make a difference and what difference we want our lives to make.  Many people set lofty goals for their lives and want to be remembered as visionaries, they want to change and save the world.  Others want to be remembered as the kind man or women down the street who always helped and always listened if you needed help.  Who do you think is the better person?  The one who changes the world or the one who saves the individual?  As I said earlier, we can’t really measure which one did more good because in my eyes, both scenario is equally spectacular.  To make a difference and be remembered you do not have to do incredible things, just being there for the people around you can save someone from a meaningless life and help them lead the life they were meant to live.

I always have a knack for listening to others, well at least that’s what my friends told me.  Whether it is a relationship or personal problems, I always have an open mind and will tell them what I think.    Listening to other people’s problems without passing judgment is one of the kindest things we can do.  Often times our closest friends come to us with their problems.  However, do not think for a moment that they are asking us what to do.  Majority of the time they come to us seeking our support and someone that will listen.   Most people know the answers to the problems they are facing; they just wanted to hear the approval of their closest friend.  By listening and letting them talk through their problems on their own, you help them realize what they should do.  Sometimes they might need encouragement and help to start on this new path, which is something I, usually, always can give. 

In reality we might as well be here to help each other, we might as well be a part of something that promotes cooperation, or simply we’re not. We might just be here to make the best of the situation for our own personal gain.  In any case, helping others brings happiness and well being into your own life, however we chose to help other people always keep in mind that it will always benefit us somehow.
 
 

Friday, April 1, 2011

Women and Social Media/Network

Do women spend more time in the social media? 


I believed that women are very engaged, and have played a vital role in shaping the social media network as a whole.  Just look at your facebook, twitter, and blog accounts for example; women would tend to share more than men do.  I was looking at my facebook news feed, at least 75% of the updates comes from women.  This means sharing videos, links, images, and any other content they find interesting.  I am not saying that it is a bad thing, not at all. 


Men play the role of the responder.  Women will post and men, I'd say 70% of the time would respond first.  I have quite a few women friends and from my experience, I can say that they are all very engaged in terms of social media.  We will be out for some appetizers and they would be constantly checking their gadgets, whether uploading or checking status updates. They can be engaged in a live conversation while playing with their gadget(s) at the same time.  Multi-tasking much??...But that's not how I really would define or use the word.  I guess this is part of the evolution and the century we currently live in, where as it is ruled by modern technology. 


Does this actually give women an advantage? Let us say from work, in a marketing business stand point.  You would think that since women are more occupied with social technology that they would have a bit more of an advantage in this field.  In my class for example, where we do many visual communications.  One can assume that the skill of sharing photos on facebook, sharing a link on twitter would be considered more in demand.  By all accounts, I think this was the wrong assumption because the top five students were male.

In my opinion, women rule the social media.  Many women will seek advice and recommendation through social networking.  Whether its for entertainment, food and health, fashion and beauty products.  Even with this much involvement in the social media, women are always been criticized on being behind on technological advancement.  An article I read said that women in general are insecure.  Could this be that women now find themselves described as insecure simply for finding a social media/network at which they stand out and in which they prosper?   Alternatively, am I just ranting on the subject without any hard proof and just simply constructing it on my own personal experience?  Perhaps.   I simply don't know.  That is the question I will leave for you to decide.


Feel free to leave me a comment :)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Dream that was not meant to be....

It was 4:37am on a Tuesday morning when suddenly, I woke up and interrupted my dream.  I got up and reached for the glass of water sitting by the nightstand.  After a couple swig, I tried to remember what I was dreaming about.  To my dismay, I can only recall bits and pieces of it.  I went back to sleep hoping that it'll pick up where I left off.  Forty-five minutes of tossing and turning...nada! I was perturbed in regards to my lack of success.  I really wanted to finish this dream because for once I really liked it hahaha.  Then it came to me, a friend once told me to start writing your dreams so you can easily recall them.  Hey, it is worth a shot.  I started writing what I can remember from it hoping that I will get a better picture of the entire dream.  

After reading my notes for a few minutes, I decided to try again.  I figured I will insert what was written on my notes and it'll be a piece of cake, right? NOPE!  I got off to a good start...then for whatever reason...the idea of I have to pee came about in the middle of my dream.  Myself...the main character, in my own dream actually told me, "Hey, you need to pee."  Are you kidding me!!? Right now!!? Come on now...Then I started to argue with myself...in my own freaking dream.  He won't let me continue unless I go to the washroom.  WOW!!! Was I ever devastated by this. Ok...ok...so I got up did my business...got back in my room. Thinking I have to start over again oh well, so...for the second time, I sipped some water, looked over my notes for a few minutes...etc..etc...I did the exact same routine.  I made sure that I actually don't need to get up this time for whatever reason.  All set, I gently tucked myself in under my blanket, turned off the lights and close my eyes.

So it began...this time the scene started with me and the rest of my crew sailing the Pacific ocean. Clear calm water, a nice cool breeze of air and you can see the sun rising on the horizon and how it turned the water into reddish-yellowish color.  It was beautiful!  The crew was just waking up and someone prepared a nice breakfast for the rest of us.  After the breakfast, we set course to the Southern hemisphere.  As I was looking into my spyglass to see what was ahead, I heard dogs barking...I was confused for a brief moment and asked my ship's first mate, "Who in the heck brought dogs aboard?" A moment of silence, then I repeated myself, this time in a more antagonizing tone.  The first mate then asked the crewmen the same question.  The crewmen replied, "There are no dogs on the ship, Captain."  I was furious by the situation...I ordered everyone to search the ship.  We didn't find any dogs but I continuously hear them barking.  Then for whatever reason...the sleeping me...intervened and said, "Your neighbor's dogs are barking." "We don't have neighbors, we're in the middle of the Pacific ocean!" The Captain replied.  Then we started arguing....AGAIN!!! He told me to open my eyes and see for myself, which I did.  Before I even got up my alarm clock went off. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Needless to say that I didn't finish my dream, which is why, I'm blogging about it in displeasure.  Nevertheless, don't worry; I shall attempt tonight to finish my dream (hopefully).

To be continued.....













Monday, March 28, 2011

Dating


A friend and I decided to blog about a topic and provide two different complete sets of perspectives.  We came up with "Dating."  A word that I have never really paid attention to for nearly a year.  It is not that I am avoiding the idea but simply just have different sets of priorities in mind. Now that the topic has risen and my perspective on the subject was inquired, then I shall dig deep and speak.

Seeking a potential partner, whether online or in person is a difficult task and to top it off is very scary.  I remember my first date...wait ...wait…back up…let me start before I asked someone on a date, shall we?  It was back in my early years of high school.  It practically took me almost two entire periods prior to lunch to conjure all of my might and courage, come up with a witty/clever remark so I don't look like an idiot in front of her. I squander my time in the washroom rehearsing what I was going to say...kept telling myself, it has to be perfect and right on the exact moment.  After a few minutes of memorizing, I felt confident and ready. I just couldn't wait for that sweet ringing sound that tells you that it is lunchtime.  

So it came...I figured I should bring a friend with me just for support.  We head down the cafeteria, sat a couple of tables from her.  Walked up to her and all that preparation, rehearsals went straight down the drain because all I can say at that moment was one of the most underrated words created in our modern dictionary, "Hi."  A complete moment of silent ensued.  I could have sworn my brain shut down for a brief moment.  I couldn’t feel my legs or anything at that moment.  Everything went completely blank but as soon as she opened her lips and said, “hello”...everything went back online. I had a good conversation with her and we decided to go on a date.

See the way I see it, the male species work doesn't stop there.  Now, the real hard work is the actual date.  There's this deep feeling of unknown about her.  Then I start asking questions such as; where to take her; what does she like; how will the date turn out; oooh and what will we talk about on the way to the destination.  All these questions are muddled in my head.  What I can't speak about is how a girl's mindset prior to her date.  Does she think the same way or the pressure is always on us men?  I can't even begin to remember how many articles I've read on first dates, the do’s, and don'ts of it.  Only if all these modern technology gadgets were popular a few years back, it would make it effortless, but I will always prefer the old fashioned face-to-face interaction. Besides, it is always fun to reminisce your embarrassing moment. 

So, I went through the hardship of asking a girl out, now onto the next stage...the actual first date.  Two strangers united to test out our compatibility...sounds nerve-racking, right? Yes! Because it sure did when I went through it.  Good thing I came prepared.  I knew that when women go on a first date, they analyze every little thing a man does.  Oh, I know...an article I read told me so lol.  After all, the pressure is always on men to prove himself in front of her.  Okay, so I asked myself, how to not completely ruin this date?  So, I thought maybe if I make her feel comfortable she will relax and a bit more ease on the conversation.  Conversations are always a key for me in finding out whether a second date is in order.  I went through the date having the second date in mind and as every other guy out there.... the impervious good night first kiss on the cheek in front of her doorstep.  Coming in, these are the goal I set for myself.  After a nice meal at a restaurant and a moonlight walk at the park, I can safe to say the date went well.  How did I know? Simply because when we looked back, what we remembered the most was the conversation we had.  In addition, that kiss on the cheek at the end of the night served as the icing.

In conclusion, these are the sort of “stuff” that goes through our head (at least mine) prior to engaging with someone on a date.  All the preparations because this is our one and only shot to show beyond doubt what a great guy we are.  If the girl is willing to give us that fighting chance to showcase ourselves then I intend to shine.

I can only assume that a girl would be thinking or asking the same questions.  But if you want to find out, you’re just going to have to read the blog of DollyFatz.